Find Strength

Let your strengths improve
Your weakness
And your weakness
Become your strength
Breathe in slowly
Let your lungs
Feel the air

Relax

Release the breath...
Push yourself
Past mental blocks
Doubts
Fears
Insecurities

Try

Push harder
Run
Faster
And try

Focus you energy
Your mind
Your attention
focus your
Heart...
On your goals

Find motivation
Find passion
Find ambition
Find satisfaction...
Through never
giving in.

Not My Own

Not My Own



I'll remain still...
Deep within,
When the world is rotating
Too rapidly....
And my head
Is consumed
With nothing...and
Everything...

Inside I'll remain
Still

Peaceful and trusting
Through a life
That is not mine.
My life,
Given to me
By One so much
More than I...

Guiding me,
Paving my path and
Opening roads I
Don't understand.

blindly

I take them...
Curious, yet vulnerable
In the world...
But not
Of the world.

Taken in by the doubt,
Sadness
Fear
Pain...
Weighted and compromised
But only for a moment...
Until I focus my gaze
On a road
Chosen...
Predetermined
For a life that is mine, but

Not my own

Tangible

Haha... Wrote this while I was deliriously tired at 3am this morning. Didn't realize I did it until I looked in my notes in class this morning

Act on impulse
Live...
Recklessly
Depending on hope
And trusting in
Something intangible.
Yet sometimes it's real...
And I can feel its
Existence

Entirely tangible
What was commonly
Unreal
Leading to believe
In something possibly

Unattainable

My heart beats openly...
I don't know how else to live...
My acts
Speak loudly...
This is who I am.

I'll give unconditionally
And act
With a heart of love
This is how I was raised...

But my heart is weakly
Strong.
And my belief
Feels feeble...
And failing...

Sleepless nights
Make my mind
Weak
Restless sleep
And my body breaks

Acting on impulse
And relying on hope
Resting my eyes....
And dreaming of something
Tangible

       This is the first picture I ever painted. It's not the best in the world, but I was 12 years old. However, that isn't the point.

       In this picture I see life and I see death. The water is rushing and reflecting the rising sun. It is very much alive and active. The tree is very dead. I remember when I was painting it, deciding to do the dead tree rather than one in full bloom. I don't really know my logic behind it, other than I thought the dead tree would add something more to the painting.

       This is how life is; there are some things in our minds that may appear "dead" to us, and may be better that way, while there are other things that are fully alive and thriving. It is how life goes and something that we need to accept. Just like the tree in the picture, I felt that it was better if it was old and dying, and sometimes this is true with certain relationships and situations in our lives.

       In my sociology class we are discussing the uniting, disuniting, and reuniting of couples in relationships. How often is this the case? And how often do we set ourselves up for hurt and disappointment by refusing to move forward in our lives, and insisting on living in the past? It is in our nature to want to be with someone and have someone in our lives. We worry, too frequently, about ending up alone or being dissatisfied with our lives if we don't have a husband, wife, or family by a certain time. It is in these moments of desperation and dissatisfaction that we turn to the past. We dig up old relationships that have long since died, and we do what we can to bring them back to life. Is it worth it, though? Is it necessary to walk down a road--again--that once brought us hurt and disappointment? I don't think that it is.

       I do believe that we learn from every experience in our lives and that we need to remember the lessons learned and press forward. It should never be the case that we turn back around to learn that same lesson over and over again. Trust that you will find happiness, and you will find it; believe in love, and it will come to you; live your life looking to the future, and the past will have no room to hurt you.

       Live for the moment, not the moments that have already passed away. Love your life for what it is, and you will eventually realize how much you love what it is becoming. :)

       Here's to living. Cheers! <3

Limited

Limited

Living in a world
where passion is
limited.
We monitor our words
and fear we may speak
too openly.

Taking our voice,
our opinions, our feelings,
and smothering them.
We encapsulate them,
deep beneath the surface
of our being.
In a box we hide them,
afraid to let the world
inside.

Intimidated by societal standards;
general “rules” on how
we are supposed to behave.
Shaping ourselves,
and forming our lives around
the approvals of those that
don’t matter in our lives.

We dissect ourselves,
meticulously ripping apart who we are.
Cut open and exposed,
we’ll remove the part that cares,
then quickly take out our incentive to
love unconditionally.
We’ll see a part of ourselves
that makes us stand out,
a trait specifically designed
to make us unique,
and we’ll strip it from inside our bodies.

Once shaped and formed
to fit within the
standards of the world
we’ll stitch ourselves up,
trying to hide the scar.

it is then that we realize
We are empty.
We have no sense of self.
no way to stand out
in a world
filled with stereotypes.
Considering,
all too late that,
in forming our lives,
our beliefs, and our personalities,
we have removed our very
source of happiness.
You have removed…
You.

I Win

I Win

I see your face
through the scope
of my gun.
White with fear,
as your life
inevitably flashes before your eyes.
I pull the trigger,
as I envision who you were
before this.
You fall.

I’ve ended your life,
but who am I?
Why do I get to live?
Had I not killed you,
then, surely, I
would have died.
But does that make my actions
justified?

I see your blood splatter,
and your face
change to a cringe
I hear your cry…
And you hit the ground.
Your blood turns the dirt
to a red form of mud
as you turn to the skies,
I realize I’ve won.

I’ve won another face off.
I’ll get to live another day,
but can I live
with myself?
with this guilt?

What if you
had a family,
a little baby boy?
What if you were an only child,
your mother’s source of joy?

What makes me so special,
that I continue to
live on?
What makes me so different,
when I’m just another man
with a gun?

I’m not sure I
want to live
with such a weight
on my heart.
Maybe that’s why I’m here:
To accept that
I’ve played my part.

I signed my name,
and claimed to be ready.
I held my gun
and thought it would be easy.

Then I saw
the look in your eyes,
and I pulled back
my index finger.
I out-smarted my
opponent.
But I don’t feel like I’ve won.
I’ll continue to live on,
as I’m pushed down
by the weight of
what I’ve done.

Make a Choice

Who do you want to be? How do you want to live your life?

Simple to ask, but not so simple to answer. Its undeniably true that we spend most of our lives trying to discover who we want to be. And once we feel like we've finally figured it out...we change our minds and start over.

The events in our lives that shape us have such a detrimental affect on who we become. It's so important that we don't allow ourselves to become bitter or angry over bad situations that may occur.

Something I have realized, over the years, is that when people allow themselves to become bitter or angry, and hold those emotions inside, it affects their very character. They are never entirely the same individual, or friend, they were before they were placed in whatever situation. It's crazy to me to think that things can change people so much.

I say it often, and I'll say it again: happiness is a choice. I understand that things happen in our lives that bring us down, but we choose to stay down. If someone wants to be happy, I believe they can be. It doesn't take a miracle or an "emotionally strong" person to remain happy in difficult or trying times. It simply takes the will to be happy, to not wallow, and to look at life enthusiastically and with a hint of humor.

I can't think of a day in my life that I haven't laughed. Even when it seems like my world is somehow going to blow up, burn down, and knock me out in the process, I can guarantee there was at least a brief moment in that day where I smiled and laughed. Those are the moments that make that day worth while. Something was able to make me feel joyful.

It's so simple for people to remember the bad times in our lives. It's a completely psychological thing. Those events are "traumatic" to some extent, and we remember how bad they made us feel, so we never forget them. That is, I believe, the underlying problem with how sad people become. We dwell, all too much, in our lives and refuse to focus on more positive things. Our minds, when we are struggling, take us back to EVERY other time we have felt that way, and we begin to feel like "nothing ever goes right" and as if our lives are horrendous.

The reality of it is, everyone has the life that they choose for themselves, at a certain point. No, you don't decide what your childhood will be like, or was like, but once you reach adulthood... It's entirely up to you. So what will it be?

You decide how to live your life, and how to make yourself happy. You can be overly serious, or enjoy a few jokes and learn how to see the humor in every situation--even the hard ones. Make decisions that make you feel happy and satisfied, don't take life too seriously, and enjoy the unexpected moments when someone makes you smile when you felt like you couldn't.

CHOOSE to be happy, and in being happy you will discover who you are and who you want to be.

Cheers. ;)