I Win

I Win

I see your face
through the scope
of my gun.
White with fear,
as your life
inevitably flashes before your eyes.
I pull the trigger,
as I envision who you were
before this.
You fall.

I’ve ended your life,
but who am I?
Why do I get to live?
Had I not killed you,
then, surely, I
would have died.
But does that make my actions
justified?

I see your blood splatter,
and your face
change to a cringe
I hear your cry…
And you hit the ground.
Your blood turns the dirt
to a red form of mud
as you turn to the skies,
I realize I’ve won.

I’ve won another face off.
I’ll get to live another day,
but can I live
with myself?
with this guilt?

What if you
had a family,
a little baby boy?
What if you were an only child,
your mother’s source of joy?

What makes me so special,
that I continue to
live on?
What makes me so different,
when I’m just another man
with a gun?

I’m not sure I
want to live
with such a weight
on my heart.
Maybe that’s why I’m here:
To accept that
I’ve played my part.

I signed my name,
and claimed to be ready.
I held my gun
and thought it would be easy.

Then I saw
the look in your eyes,
and I pulled back
my index finger.
I out-smarted my
opponent.
But I don’t feel like I’ve won.
I’ll continue to live on,
as I’m pushed down
by the weight of
what I’ve done.