The ocean

I'll never fully understand
God's plan for my life,
I'll never understand the pain
Or the tears I have to cry.

I don't know why I am alone,
I don't know why I'm here,
I know there is a purpose,
But im tormented by my tears.

I miss my friends and family,
I miss feeling loved,
I miss the controlled chaos,
That was the depiction of our lives.

I wish I knew the answers,
I wish I could bear the weight,
I know God is shaping me,
But I want to feel an embrace.

I want to know I'm  not doing this
Completely alone,
I want to know I can trust someone,
To hold me
When my body is done.

I want to feel friendship
And the love that it gives,
I want to know I can call on someone
near to where I live,
I want to know I can depend on someone,
To recieve as well as give.

To give an open ear,
and a heart that's willing to listen,
I want to shed my tears,
Or sit in silence with them.

I miss the simplicity of friendship,
And how it came so easy back home.
I miss how people loved me so instantly,
While here I struggle to find one.

I struggle to find one person
In whom I can completely rely,
I struggle to find someone
Who can put selfishness aside.

Maybe it's just the holidays,
That make me feel so empty,
Maybe it's going from knowing everyone,
To not truly knowing any.

Maybe is the knowledge,
That I'm not who I thought,
Maybe it's the stripping
God is doing in my heart.

I know I need to turn to Him,
And let Him break me down,
But sometimes in the breaking,
We can't lift ourselves off the ground.

My heart is feeble and failing,
But I know my God is more,
My life is being cleansed,
Like waves breaking on the shore.
Pulling away the dirt,
One layer at a time,
But with each pull of the water,
I feel a part of me has died.

Faith

I believe that many people struggle, when faced with challenges, to understand how great and how strong our God truly is. I know this is something I have had difficulty with, but am finally coming to a place in my life where I see Him in every moment. And, if I dont, then I remind myself to.

I have began to notice that it is so easy to have faith in situations that other people are going through, and to be able to speak life into them, when they are filled with doubt or fear, but that it isn't so easy to do for ourselves.

Sometimes God will remove things in our life in order to teach us things, give us wisdom, or help us to grow. What I have learned so far, through being away from the familiar, is that God is so much stronger than I had ever TRULY grasped, and He is so present in my life, with every breath I take and every word I utter.

I have also realized that, though He sometimes wants us to be "alone" with Him, He will also place specific people in our lives that we can, and will, have fellowship with. As Maya Angelou wrote, " Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone."

God allows us to have fellowship so that we can pour love and truth into one another; so that we can build each other up to such a point that this world can never tear us down. It is so important that we recognize these friendships and people in our lives.

I have grown to appreciate more the gift of family, and recognize how much I love each and every one of them. I am my mother's daughter,  and I couldn't be happier about that. We may have some different views, but we have the same tender heart, and i am blessed to have been raised to love the way that she loves. 

But, I am also my father's daughter, and I know how to stand on my own two feet and pick myself up, dust myself off, and focus on what is important in the moment.

God definitely has a way of showing us the things within us that need to change, and the gifts that need to be more developed and strengthened.  He does this, more often than not, through the people He places in our lives, be it family or friends.

Every experience we go through is so important, and must happen, in order to get us to where He has planned for us to go. Some situations are difficult, and some are not. The real truth is, no matter the context of the experience, it is going to be something beautiful, because it will help lead you to the life God has planned for you.

Sometimes this is scary; sometimes we don't want to be open to the life He has planned, because we fear failing. Not only failing ourselves, but failing God. But how wonderful is it when we recognize that God isn't going to let us fail? He wouldn't have designed and set up this path for us, if He wasn't going to give us the strength and wisdom to succeed in it.

So strive for the things that scare you, and reach for the things God has placed on your heart that might not make sense to you, or may be intimidating right now. I promise you, if you dive in and trust, God will not let you down.

Jesus, I trust in You.

Another Year of Thanks

It's my birthday. Twenty-six years ago, today, God decided to give me life; God decided to give me a chance in this world, and a shot at being something special. I think we sometimes focus so much on being special--on wanting to be special to someone in this world--that we forget how special we already are to God. A birthday, to me, isn't important because of who we are, but because of who God is, and who He desires us to be. I feel that every year is a reminder of the  unconditional love God has for us, and the truth that He has given us another 365 days to try and get it right.

I know that many people don't see birthday's as anything other than another day, but I believe it is a day we need to reflect on the year past and give thanks to God for everything He has done for us, saved us from and blessed us with. We spend so much time in our lives, throughout a year, remembering things that have hurt us and being in a constant state of annoyance or frustration over little things, that we don't take the time to truly and  wholeheartedly give thanks for the biggest blessing that we can ever have; in all honesty, we sometimes fail to even realize this blessing, the blessing of life.

How amazing is it that God chose us? He decided that we deserved a chance at this life, and He loved us enough to create us, to breathe His life into us and to love us without regard to the ways we will, and do, fail Him daily.

Yes, I make a big deal about birthday celebrations, and yes, I love my birthday, but not because I want gifts or recognition from others, though those things are nice, but because it is a reminder to me that God has given me a day to call my own, He has loved me enough to create me in His image, and He has kept me alive another year, despite all my shortcomings, and decided to celebrate with me the day He decided I needed to make my way into this world, a month before I was expected, tiny, loud, and ready to make my mark.

So here's to God for creating me, Jesus for dying for me, so that I may live, and the Holy Spirit filling me, so that I may never forget.

Jesus, I trust in You.

Beauty in the Broken

There is a certain level of beauty in the pain we experience in this life. Some go through more pain that others, and some will never recognize the beauty in it, but I believe we can see it, if we allow God to show it to us. 

When we are broken because of this world, God reaches out to us and restores us. Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

 

You see, God doesn't want to see us suffering, but sometimes we must suffer, we must be brought low, so that He can rise up within us. It is through our brokenness that we will find Christ in His fullness. It takes a very strong level of vulnerability to come to fully know The Lord, and we aren't at our most vulnerable unless we are broken. 

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

You see, Christ doesn't want us to find our strength in this world; if we search for worldly strength we will surely fail. But we can rest assured that there is a greater strength that Christ will give us; He will give us His strength to press on when we think we can't, and to do what we don't see ourselves capable of doing. The most important thing we need to do is follow the teachings of Christ, follow His commandments, and allow Him to be our strength and our stronghold. Without Him we are nothing. 

We must, however, always recognize that we are nothing without Him. We must recognize our weaknesses and give them back to Christ, allowing Him to strengthen us from the inside out. If we begin to live as though we are perfectly Without flaw, then we will surely fall. By living in and with Christ, however, we can be certain that He will always lead us away from destruction and from falling too far; if we do fall, He will bring us back to our feet. Psalms 107:20 He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.

God truly is a wonderful and glorious God, and it saddens me how difficult it is for many to trust in Him and take a step of faith in His direction. We grow so comfortable in our own comfort and in our own ways of living, that we neglect to realize that the way Christ wants us to live would be SO much better, if we simply stepped out of our comfort zone, gave our lives over to Him and believed. 

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." 

Like a Child

Life has a way of teaching us lessons. I should say, rather, that God has a way of teaching us lessons and helping us to learn and grow. 

I've learned that love in this world isn't what we expect it to be. I've learned that I love too deeply to be considered "normal." At least not normal today. So many incidents in our lives today make us either afraid to love, unable to love, unwilling to love, or overly expectant of what love is supposed to feel like. 

The truth is, though, love isn't what we are told it is in the movies. I never expected it to be, but so many of us look for that, and we end up completely dissatisfied with what we have in our lives. 

My problem, though, isn't a fear of love, it isn't an inability to love... My problem is that I can't do anything other than love. It's something that God placed in me, and for what reason, I don't know yet. The biggest problem with this, however, is that it makes me too trusting, too open, and too expectant of others to be the same. Love isn't complicated to me, it isn't messy or hard. It is simply a choice I make. I choose, daily, to love everyone I am blessed with coming in contact with. 

What I know, however, is that love isn't perfect because human beings aren't perfect. We are all indescribably flawed, and incredibly harsh towards ourselves inwardly. We judge areas of ourselves that we don't need to judge, and we turn ourselves into a villain that we are not. What we need to do is turn those areas of ourselves over to Christ entirely, and become in-tune with the beauty of who God has made us to be. 

I didn't learn this through some big revelation or some trial I have faced. I actually learned this through the love of my dog; my angel in disguise. 

You see, we may be flawed, and we may be incapable of loving completely unconditionally, but animals aren't. There is no one in this world that will ever love me that way kenobi loves me. 

I feel that God placed little children and animals on this earth in order to teach us what real love looks like; real love is unselfish and and unjudgmental. We can have a bad day, come home and snap at a child for nothing of their doing, and they will still love us--they will try to cheer us to and make us laugh. There is no judgement or anger in them... They simply want to love us. 

Just as you can leave an animal for weeks at a time, abandon it with your family to take care of it, knowing it has an unhealthy attachment to you and isn't them same when you're gone--but when you come home, what do he do? When I come home, what does kenobi do? He runs into my arms and glues himself to me all day and night. He simply wants to tell me that he loves me and he missed me. 

As we get older, and we experience life, our ability to hold this kind of selfless and irrevocable love for others is difficult. We become changed by the world, and untrusting. But if God created us in His image, and He is Love, should we not be willing to selflessly love? 

God tells us "unless you become my little children, you will not enter then Kingdom of Heaven." 

So this is how I choose to love. Unconditionally, and with a childlike faith in others. Yes, this will lead to a lot of heartache and disappointment, but I know that my God is greater, and I know that He sees that the motives behind my love for everyone in my life is to simply love them; my intention is to simply let at least the people I come into contact with know that they, too, are worthy of love and deserve it. 

So here's to trying to live with the heart of a child, to ignoring the social norms of the world and not letting the wickedness in it make me grow cold, and here's to allowing God to guide me, always, even when I have no idea to where that may be. 

Jesus, I trust in You.  

Without My God

The world is filled with questions

That only God can clear 

Confusion and frustration 

Is present in our lives 

But through God's blessings 

We find peace within the strife.

I don't know where I'm going 

I don't know my choices are right

But I know that if I trust Him

He'll guide me in His light.

The Holy Spirit's moving

Through the trials, 

Through the storms,

Directing our steps and actions 

Making the "bigger picture" take form. 

We don't know all the answers, 

But we feel His presence here,

We feel it in the stillness,

In the silence 

In the fear. 

My heart is torn in two directions

Not knowing where I want to be,

Lifting my life into His hands 

Learning to listen when He whispers 

"Trust me." 

I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm anxious,

But through all this I'm calm. 

My heart is at peace and I'm trusting

Because I am nothing without my God. 

Emptied

Emptied of my selfishness 

I long to hear Your voice

Speak in my direction, Lord,

I give you my life, my heart 

Humbled, lord, I seek you 

Broken, Lord, I'll run 

Into Your hands of mercy 

Embrace me in Your love 

In my crying, Lord, 

You hear me

All my brokenness, you heal

I'll surrender all of me, 

Lord, guide me to Your will. 

Humbled, Lord, I seek You 

Broken, Lord, I'll run

Into Your hands of mercy,

Embrace me in Your love. 

I give You all I am, Lord, 

Lead me by Your blood, 

Consume me in Your Spirit, Lord, 

I'll sing praise to God above.

Humbled, Lord, I'll seek you, 

Broken, Lord, I'll run, 

Into Your hands of mercy, 

Embrace me in Your love. 

Broken

Emotionally broken

From choices we make in our lives;

Beaten paths 

And narrow roads,

Eventually we need to choose a side. 

No one wants to be lonely

Though we're never truly alone..

Everyone wants to love someone

And everyone wants to be loved. 

Why can it never be enough,

To simply love The Lord? 

Why can we never be satisfied,

Always selfishly seeking more. 

Why do we long to please

Those that don't matter in our lives,

When we daily fail to please

The One who gave us life? 

It's a sick game we play,

Dancing with the devil

Not recognizing that he'll daily

Push us to the next level.

Another stage of sin,

Another act of rebellion,

Turning our faces from God,

When all we should do is trust Him. 

So many spoken words,

When all He's asking for is silence, 

Close your eyes and sit a while,

Find peace within His presence. 

Broken promises,

Shattered desires,

Worldly issues evolving 

From worldly liars

The world is dark, cold

And broken;

He's overcome the world, though,

Through His word He has spoken. 

Turn down the noise,

Quiet your voices, 

Stop focusing on the world, 

Let your hearts be open. 

Hear His whispers

Stirring in your heart,

Showing you who you truly are,

And that you've been lost from the start. 

Rise up again,

It's a new tomorrow,

Let Him carry you, 

Through the brokenness and the sorrow. 

Chosen

It takes me deeper

Than I've ever known,

It calms my heart,

Awakens my soul.

Love is present,

Within me, it's alive,

The spirit is moving,

It's slowly bringing us to life.

The power is tangible,

The moments are real,

In the stillness we feel Him,

There's no denying 

His indelible seal. 

It's on our souls,

It takes over our minds,

Transforming us from within,

Reviving our hearts 

One beat at a time. 

We feel Him moving,

As we're trembling in fear,

Trying to withstand the power

Of His presence so near.

Our tears begin to fall, 

As our hearts become broken,

From the inside out,

We feel Him ripping us open.

We'll recognize our purpose,

Becoming vulnerable and new,

We'll discover that we are

One of the chosen few. 

We're one of God's instruments,

Called to serve with a purpose,

We're called to change the world,

We were destined to serve Him. 

We must put all aside,

Dive in and trust Him;

Let go of fear and pride,

Of guilt, anxiety and sin.

We must begin to follow,

To trust through our blindness,

To learn to walk through darkness,

And remember Who is guiding.

We'll learn to give Him our lives,

To embrace The beauty of His plan,

We'll leave all behind and follow,

Remembering Who is holding our hand

Fragile

A heart is fragile

When a heart is open 

To The Lord,

A heart is delicate,

When it is always opening the door.

The door to love and tenderness

The door to trust and hope

The door of reckless abandonment,

And complete reliance on The Lord

But a heart is strong in weakness,

While God is guiding the path

We must keep walking,

Not straining to look back. 

We must trust in His timing,

His ability to restore,

We must seek Him out in all things,

Knowing he'll turn this into more.

But a heart is broken

That can't love,

A heart that doesn't know how.

A heart is broken 

That fears love,

And breaks the unbreakable vow. 

Our hearts need prayer 

And sacrifice,

The perfect sacrificial love;

Our hearts need purification 

And guidance,

Our hearts must be vulnerable to love.

Vulnerable hearts within us,

Is what God knows we need.

We fight Him on this notion,

Trying to take control and lead.

We fear being hurt and broken,

We fear being let down.

In a world so wicked and broken, 

It's a surprise we love at all.

But through Christ 

Love can be made perfect,

We can Trust Him to guard our hearts.

But I choose to love, too,

No matter how I get ripped apart.

You see, I'm not naive, 

I know the world is cold.

I'm not foolish,

I recognize that I've been fooled. 

But I choose to see the good in others,

I choose to love them through the storms.

I recognize all as children of God,

And because of this,

I'll continually love them more. 

Some call that stupid, 

Some call it naive,

But I call it loving as Christ loved,

And not paying mind to sinful deeds.

The world brings sin and wickedness,

The hearts mistrust stems from fear,

But God restores the broken,

And loves us through our tears. 

If God can love everyone, 

Then surly I will too. 

You see, It's easier to love,

Then to search for flaws in you. 

We are all flawed and broken,

But through Christ we're beautifully made,

So we seek out the good in others,

And cast aside the wickedness 

That controls the world today. 

Christianity

There's a lack of sincerity 

In religion today 

A lack of believers 

Proclaiming "we believe." 

There's a lack of faith

Among those claiming to be faithful 

A lack of trust among those 

Proclaiming to follow God.

So many religions

Creating so many rules,

Teaching us how to "act" 

But not how to pray. 

They show us what it looks like

To be a Christian,

But never actually show us

What being a Christian means. 

We need to open our eyes,

Stop being blinded by the world. 

We're in the world and of the world,

When we should be in it for Christ. 

We need to stop "acting," 

Falsely deceiving the world 

To believe we are Christians,

And start living out the lives

We claim to want so badly. 

We need to come to know Christ

In an intimate way,

And stop proclaiming "Jesus, Jesus," 

If He won't know us, 

come judgement day. 

It's not about the number

Of people you can fool,

It's about your heart,

And having it transformed.

It's about becoming the person

That no one understands,

It's about helping the broken,

Sick, fallen and wicked among men. 

It's when we get our hands dirty,

Reaching out to the poor,

It's when we preach the word of God,

And His words, through us,

Begins to impact the world.

That's when we'll know

We're on the right path,

We're just beginning to know God,

We're uncovering a fraction of His plan. 

You see, we'll never know

What Jesus has in store,

If we keep following the rules,

Society uses to make us blind. 

We'll never know His plan for our lives, 

If we don't break away from rules,

And begin to know Christ. 

Surrender

It's become a trend with society today to live our lives in the shadows. We live, complacently, in the shadow of those around us, unintentionally trying to hide parts of who we are. We find those around us who have done worse actions, or "graver sins," and we consider ourselves to be better than we truly are. It's become all too common to cast the shadow of other's mistakes and missteps over our own, to make our life choices not seem so bad. It's a way to trick ourselves into believing that we will be saved, regardless of how we live, so long as we don't sin as terribly as some others. 

The truth is, though, that we aren't going to be judged based on the sins of others, the lives of others, or the choices of others; we are going to be judged individually, based on our life, our sins, and our choices along the way. The only one we will be compared to, we need to realize, is Christ Himself. We can't spend our lives comparing ourselves to others in the world; the world is broken, lost, and saturated in sin and evil. If we base our belief in our goodness off of the evil of the world, we will never strive to be better. 

That's the problem with the world, in many ways. Everyone has a part of them that doesn't want to change. We settle in the complacency of life, and we become weighted by our sins. It is difficult to find the strength to lift that sin off of ourselves, give it to Christ, and change our ways--never looking back. Everyone simply wants to compare themselves to someone "worse" than they are, and therefore justify their actions, or sugarcoat them. But the reality is that sin is sin; regardless of what your sin is, it is still sin, the same as any other wicked thing we do or choice we make.

We need to recognize this, and allow God to change our hearts, open our eyes, and draw us nearer to Him. We don't want it to end up being too late, when we've had so many chances to give our lives entirely to Christ. It may not be easy to look at ourselves in the mirror and see everything wicked and evil that Christ sees, but in doing this, we will learn to see the potential that He sees too; we will be able to come into communion and communication with The Lord, and hear Him as He guides us through our lives. Through drawing closer to Him, riding ourselves of the sins that weigh us down, casting out our judgements of others and ourselves, and listening to His voice, we will finally see who we are truly meant to be. And it will be something beautiful, beyond comparison to anything we thought ourselves capable of. 

All we have to be willing to do is trust in Him, let go of our worldly possessions and desires, and surrender. Sadly, though, this is both the hardest, and the best, part. 

Vulnerable

In a world so absorbed in the outward appearance of others, on physical  attributes and features, we have seemed to forget entirely about the beauty of the soul. Social media, social norms and expectations, sitcoms, movies, and every other form of worldly influence, has manipulated us into living like robots. We all try and have the upper hand, planning our moves, our words and our actions at least three steps ahead. In doing this, in always trying to be in control, we lose sight of the value of living in the moment. We give ourselves over to the world, and, through this, we fail at giving ourselves over to The Lord. 

It's so simple to fall into a habit of keeping others at a distance; it becomes natural to always monitor your words, and fear you make speak to openly; sometimes this even transcends into the conversations we have with God. We don't hold back because we are too afraid to talk with God openly-- we hold back simply because the world has made us forget how to be open and vulnerable. The sad truth is that God wants that vulnerability; God wants that openness, complete and total vulnerable openness. If we can't be open with God--if we can't be vulnerable before God, we will never be open or vulnerable with each other. And we need that ability to be open with one another if we ever want to build and establish a real and lasting relationship. 

It takes a long time for us to realize the detrimental affect that the world can, and has, had on our hearts and minds. The defense mechanisms we create are real, and the walls we build up to keep others away from us are real, too. In the same way that it takes years to build up all these ways of keeping others out, it also takes years to relearn how to not use them in our daily lives. 

Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to remember what it felt like to be a child and to trust others with no sense of doubt. Sometimes all we have to do is tell ourselves that we are going to dive in, with no regard for what may happen, trust blindly, and have faith that everything will turn out exactly how it is meant to. That's what will always happen, anyway, isn't it? It's not that we are trusting in people, but it's simply about trusting in God to guide you, and those around you, in the right direction; it's about trusting in God to bring out the best in others, the true beauty and goodness from within them, and allow that to become a part of your life. It's when you give people this kind of trust, and you allow them to become this close to you, that you remind them what it is to really be trusted and believed in by another person. This is what helps them return to that level of vulnerability and unfaltering faith in another person that they had so easily as a child. 

In a world so lost and broken, so focused on fitting in with social norms, and keeping everyone in our lives at a distance, it is up to every individual to make a difference in his or her own life. If we want to be trusted by others, if we want to draw closer to others and feel real connections, we need to be willing to give trust, to be vulnerable, to jump into friendships and relationships trusting not only in the other person, but also in Christ and His ability to guide and lead both of you to where you are meant to be, while guarding your hearts for you, along the way. 

Healing

Sometimes it is impossible to know someone without experiencing something with them that hurts you. Sometimes we can't know what a person carries inside, unless we are put through struggles and trials with them.

That is what I've come to understand. When someone has lived a life that is beyond what you could have imagined, you have to be put to the test, to see if you can handle all their struggles and past hurts. You have to decide if you are going to leave, or if you are going to stand by them, in whatever way you may be called to be there. With me, no matter who it is in my life, that has never been a question. If someone needs me, I am going to be there. If someone claims they don't need me, and I know they do, then I am still going to be there. 

I was reminded yesterday of who I am, and who I have been for my entire life. I found a letter my senior English teacher wrote me, sitting in my bible of all places, and in it she wrote, "you're beautiful (on the outside yes) but so gorgeous on the inside. You're this shining light, this sunshine, this giggling smile of curiosity and honesty and self-reflection, and I enjoy, and have enjoyed, so many things/aspects/beautiful parts of you and your personality. These trials that we go through...they are SO painful, and so important. You have struggled through them with grace. I've thought of you so many times this year already--the biggest that comes to mind is through Maya Angelou's poem "Alone," which says that 'no one, not no one can make it out here alone'... It's true that no matter how strong you are, and how strong I am, we need each other and anyone to be there to catch us when we fall." 

Reading this reminded me that we can't make it alone. And though some people may lash out and hurt us in a moment, it doesn't define who they are, or who they long to be. As a Christian person I believe, and I always will believe, that I have to stand by people and help them get to where they long to be in life, with God, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We have to be willing to sacrifice our wants and desires sometimes, be patient and just love people; we must be willing to love people unconditionally, just as Christ loves us unconditionally. 

We read in the bible 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up."

When I see someone struggling, whether they are aware of the struggle or not, I will do everything I can to help them. I won't turn my back when the road gets hard. This is who I am, not because of me, but because this is who God has shown me to be. I don't know how to be anyone else. 

Here's to the road ahead, the trials along the way, and the amazing way that God is going to direct every single step, even when I am unaware. 

Strive

This life is so simple, and yet this life is so hard. 

When I think of everyone in my life individually, and I reflect on just a few of the many things they have been through, I am in awe of the strength of everyone I know. Then I begin to think about how each and every single person goes through SO much in this life, and yet they still press on. 

What is it, then, that gives us this strength? What is it that empowers us to move forward, when our feet feel rooted down in the muck of the misfortunes, tragedies, and burdens of our lives? Why do we always keep striving for "better times" and a brighter future? What are we really striving for? 

We are striving for Heaven. Whether people recognize it or not, we are striving for the greatest happiness we will ever feel.

Almost everyone, at some point, has lost someone in their lives. Often it is someone close, and it is the hardest thing we will ever go through. I've lost friends, all of my grandparents, youth leaders, and I know a few others who have passed away too. These people, though they aren't with me anymore, willalways  be with my in spirit. My husband reminded me of this today, without even trying too. 

What would make me happy? I want to see them again, obviously. I want to be able to talk with my nana and papa. I want to laugh with Michael, and I want to talk loudly and have a beer (is their beer in heaven?) with Danny. When we lose these people, we long to be with them. We hope that they are happy, and that they are looking down on us, or "looking out for us." 

Regardless of all things a person may believe, we all hope for something beautiful when a loved one leaves this earth, even if just for them. We long for that happiness for them, but we also long for that happiness for ourselves one day, because we want to be with them again. In this regard, we ARE longing for heaven, whether we recognize it or not. 

Most of my friends are Christians, and most of them understand this fully, and don't question it. But for those of you that aren't, for those of you that simply don't know what you believe, or have never taken the time to pray before, I want to present a challenge to you. 

I'm not asking you to go to church, or do anything uncomfortable for you, but I am asking you to pray. If there is a part of you that simply isn't sure, and that is going through anything right now, just take a couple seconds to pray. Just ask God this: "God, if you are real, and if you love me, please reveal yourself to me. Show me." 

Something I have learned is this: when we are honest and desperate for God, it is then that He shouts to us. God wants everyone to know Him and to love Him. He wants everyone to know HIS love for them. We need to stop "hoping for something better" and start allowing that greatness to be a part of our lives. Sometimes we need to be broken before we can be found. I assure you, though, once you know God, and you recognize the love He gives you on a daily basis, you will come to fully understand why we continue to press forward, and why we long to find the joy and beauty in this life, even through trials. 

This is a lot of rambling. Idk what was on mind, but I had to write it out. Even if it's jumbled. 

Night night!