Slow Breath

Life seems easy

When you take one breath at a time,

It seems manageable 

When you ignore what's left behind 

The nights are lonely, though,

And the silence slowly

Becomes piercing

Your heart beats rapidly

Wondering how you became this person 

Wondering if you could go back,

As if it never happened,

Wondering if you could erase the pain,

And with it, all that's broken.

There's some beauty, they say,

In the growth that comes

With "experience"

But I don't see the beauty,

In the view of a heart ripped open.

I feel the pain of deception,

The pain of broken faith,

I feel the sting of insult,

Of constantly beating down my name.

I feel the knife of words,

Slowly wearing me down,

Telling me I'm nothing,

While my throat forgets

How to form a sound.

It's nights of deep silence

That I feel this on my heart,

It's nights when I remember I'm alone,

And I'm trying to piece together my heart

It's when I remember 

I couldn't even trust my best friend,

understanding that anyone can use you,

Is not an easy wound to mend.

It's trying to remind myself 

That not everyone's the same,

It's trying to trust that 

One day it won't just be a game.

It's a struggle to believe 

That I'll find something real,

When so far everything has been a "lesson,"

But all I'm learning is how to not feel.

I don't want to become cold,

I don't want to become jaded,

But with each slow breath 

A part of life in me has faded.